Jonah Engler- How To Make Your Marriage Strong


No relationship can ever be free from conflicts. Everyone has a difference of opinion or a serious disagreement with some one else in their life from time to time. these differences are always sorted out be it among friends, among siblings and even those that we may have with our parents and elders in the family. However, when it comes to a marriage relationship there appears to be a problem and the result is a divorce.  

Common Problems Seen Among Married Couples 

Though there are no problems in this world that cannot be sorted out between two people. But there are times when it may seem that the concerned people do not want an amicable solution. When it comes to a marriage it is vital that the problems be identified within time and solutions found before its too late. 

  • Lack of understanding often creates a problem between couples. They fail to understand each other’s point of view and can only agree to disagree on everything.
  • There is a lack of empathy and mutual respect for each other. Somewhere they lose the bond that was there to bring out the feeling of togetherness
  • In the process of being married and living in discontentment couples often lose the friendship that they used to have at some point of time. this only worsens the relationship further.
  • When silly arguments and disagreements lead to a lack of physical and emotional intimacy it only leads to creating more distance between couples and an unbridgeable difference. 
  • In some cases, there is a lack of trust that can stem from false notions of infidelity. However, in some cases these notions are true as one of the spouses may have an extra marital affair that makes the differences wider and difficult for the relationship to survive. 

Effects Of A Divorce 

Dealing with separation and a legal divorce is not an easy step in life. There are many people who often take months and sometimes more than a year to adjust with the changes it brings with it. 

  • According to Jonah Engler the proceedings of a divorce is a combination of emotional and financial or legal stress. For their own welfare couples should weigh the effects of a divorce carefully before going ahead with it. 
  • Financial strains often lead to a complete disbalance of life thereafter.
  • Socially both spouses feel exposed to a life of loneliness and single status which at first is difficult to deal with. 
  • There is a great deal of social embarrassment involved as a result of a divorce which couples find difficult to cope with. Friends and extended family members asking uncomfortable questions and trying to know more about what happened makes it worse to get over the trauma.
  • Children, as Jonah Engler specifically says, suffer a lot due to parent’s divorce. They have to unnecessarily deal with a lot of the emotional baggage of the separation something that are neither prepared nor responsible for. This in turn puts an additional stress on parents who are neither able to help the situation nor feel good about watching their children suffer. 

Can Differences Be Amended 

  • Differences among married couples can be worked out and sorted permanently only if the spouses are mature enough to accept a middle ground 
  • Both need to spend quality time with each other and engage in activities that can help build their friendship which is somehow lost
  • Couples should not only trust each other but also respect the trust their partners have on them; its vital that the trust is never compromised with 
  • Dealing with ego problems is crucial for the success of any relationship, especially marriage. Often distance is created because of ego clashes and a mutual empathy between two people
  • Changes can come even when couples are fighting when they become mature about their commitments and responsibilities; this is especially true in case of children who get affected due to the decisions their parents take
  • Being genuine in love and showing affection for each other with small gestures and surprises can rekindle the romance couples had

Divorced With Children

What happens when a divorce is unavoidable and irrevocable. Decisions have been made for a divorce but there are children involved. How can you and your spouse still make a positive change to deal with the situation. 

  • Children of all age groups feel scared and vulnerable when their parents separate 
  • They feel cheated and violated when they are forced to choose one parent and live with them
  • There are many children, especially boys, who often resort to violent behavior with friends and peers at school or on the playgrounds among other places
  • Dysfunctional family life is very often reasons behind erratic behavior among children and this can get out of control if not looked into at an early stage
  • Its very important that as a couple who are also parents you understand your responsibilities towards the kids
  • Always make your presence felt in the life and its activities of your children
  • Walking together at school functions, sports day, and annual days will mean a lot to your children and prevent any emotional damage that can be caused otherwise
  • The trauma that children go through as a result of their parents’ separation can be mostly inward which is not visible to the eye but care and note has to be take appropriately
  • Always ensure that the flow of communication is active between you and your children. After divorce parents often move ahead in their own course of life and begin afresh. Children can feel abandoned and left out as a result. It is completely in the hands of the parents how they deal with that situation and how successfully they can convince the kids that they are permanently their parents first. This can be a very important part of a post-divorce situation

With care and attention even divorced parents can take adequate care of their children and raise them to be balanced and confident individuals who have faith in the institutions of life. There are instances when children with divorced parents lack faith and admiration for the institution of marriage. However, if parents can behave like mature adults they can make a lot of difference in the ways their children think and behave when they grow up.